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Joke Types
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How do Southern Baptists navigate through traffic? They follow the 'righteous' lane!
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Why did the Southern Baptist bring a map to church? To 'navigate' through the Bible verses!
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Why did the Southern Baptist preacher carry a ladder to church? Because he wanted to raise the roof!
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Did you hear about the Southern Baptist who was an excellent gardener? He had a 'pray-perennial' green thumb!
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How do Southern Baptists keep their money safe? They use 'pray-per' currency!
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Why did the Southern Baptist bring a pencil to the sermon? In case he wanted to 'take notes'!
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What did the Southern Baptist say to the clouds? 'I see you're just heaven' around today!
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Why don't Southern Baptists need compasses? They're guided by their 'moral' compass!
Blessed and Fried
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You know you're in a Southern Baptist church when the potlucks are more competitive than the sermons. I mean, I've seen Aunt Martha throw a side-eye at Sister Johnson's casserole like it was straight-up blasphemy. It's like, Listen, I came for salvation, not a cook-off!
Church Picnic Panic
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Southern Baptists take their church picnics seriously. It's like a spiritual Hunger Games out there. I've seen Brother Smith hoard all the deviled eggs like they were the last hope for salvation. May the forks be ever in your flavor!
Blessings and BBQ
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If Southern Baptists had a patron saint, it would be Saint Grillmaster. I've never seen a congregation that can turn a church barbecue into a religious experience. I'm pretty sure the phrase Holy Smoke was first coined at one of those events.
Hallelujah and Sweet Tea
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Being raised Southern Baptist means you've got the ability to turn any situation into a prayer meeting. I once saw a Baptist family bless the sweet tea before dinner like it was some kind of sacred elixir. I'm just waiting for the day they start anointing the fried chicken with holy oil.
Potluck Prophecies
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You ever notice how the Southern Baptist potlucks have an uncanny ability to predict your future? One bite of Sister Thompson's peach cobbler, and suddenly you're contemplating your life choices. It's like a culinary crystal ball, but with more cholesterol.
Waterlogged Redemption
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Growing up Southern Baptist, the only water you'd find me near was the church baptistry. I remember the preacher's warning: Dunked once for forgiveness, twice for good measure, and three times if you accidentally cussed after the first dip. It's like divine dry cleaning.
Hymn Humor
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Southern Baptists love their hymns, but sometimes I think they're just trying to out-sing each other. It's like a spiritual battle of the vocal cords. I once saw Sister Jenkins hit a note that shattered a stained glass window. That's a soprano with some serious holy horsepower.
Sermon Showdown
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Southern Baptist preachers have a unique talent for turning a simple sermon into a theatrical production. I once saw Pastor Johnson bring out smoke machines and confetti cannons for a sermon on forgiveness. I didn't know whether to repent or join the celebration.
Pews and Perils
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You know you're in a Southern Baptist church when the pews are harder to navigate than a corn maze. I've seen folks get lost trying to find the exit. We need a GPS system installed, and maybe a snack station strategically placed every ten rows.
Bible Belt Buckle
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Southern Baptists are like the rockstars of the Bible Belt. I mean, they've got their own version of stage diving—it's called testifying, and you better believe it involves a lot of 'amens' and a well-timed tambourine shake. I tried it at a concert once; turns out, heavy metal fans aren't big on impromptu testimonies.
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