bestTrending Topics
Joke Types
0
0
You ever have that friend who sends you the most cryptic texts? I've got one, her name is Sonia. I swear, every time she texts me, it's like deciphering an ancient code. I feel like I need a Rosetta Stone just to understand what she's saying. The other day, I get a message from Sonia that just says, "We need to talk." Now, if you're not in a relationship, those are the four scariest words you can receive. I'm thinking, "What did I do? Did I eat the last slice of pizza and not remember? Did I accidentally insult her pet goldfish?" I'm over here stressing out, and it turns out she just wanted to discuss the latest episode of a reality show. Sonia, we don't "need to talk" about reality TV like it's some national security issue!
It's like playing detective with her texts. She sends me emojis that look like hieroglyphics. I spend more time decoding her messages than I do watching Netflix. Sonia, if you're listening, can you please use words? I don't have time for this text message Sudoku!
0
0
Sonia fancies herself as a relationship expert. She's always giving me advice, and I'm starting to think she gets her tips from fortune cookies. The other day, she tells me, "To find true love, you need to let go of the past." Deep, right? But then she follows it up with, "Also, you should try speed dating with clowns. It worked for my cousin." I appreciate the effort, but Sonia, I don't think my soulmate is juggling in a polka-dot costume. Her dating tips are like a choose-your-own-adventure book written by someone who's never been on a date.
And she's always saying things like, "You need to find someone who completes you." Sonia, I'm not a puzzle missing a piece. I'm a whole human being looking for another whole human being, not a walking jigsaw puzzle.
0
0
Let me tell you about Sonia's cooking adventures. She thinks she's the next Gordon Ramsay, but every time she invites me over for dinner, it's like entering a culinary war zone. The last time I went, she proudly presented a dish that looked like modern art—abstract and confusing. I'm trying to be polite, so I take a bite, and I'm pretty sure my taste buds went on strike. I asked her what was in it, and she says, "Oh, it's a fusion of Italian and Mexican cuisine." Sonia, just because you put spaghetti in a taco shell doesn't mean you've discovered a new culinary frontier. That's a recipe for disaster!
And then there's the time she tried to make a cake from scratch. She hands me a slice, and I'm thinking it's a cake, but it tastes like cardboard. I ask her what happened, and she says, "I forgot the sugar, but I added extra salt to balance it out." Sonia, that's not how baking works! You're not creating a dessert; you're conducting a chemistry experiment.
0
0
So, Sonia is obsessed with the paranormal. She watches every ghost-hunting show, reads every haunted house book, and once tried to communicate with spirits using a Ouija board. I told her, "Sonia, if you want to talk to the other side, just get a better phone plan." She's always dragging me to these spooky places, like abandoned hospitals or cemeteries. I'm over here trying not to step on any ghosts' toes. I ask her, "Why are we in this creepy place at midnight?" And she says, "I heard this is where the ghosts party." Sonia, ghosts don't party; they're dead! They've got nothing to celebrate.
And then there was the time she insisted she saw a ghost in her house. I go over to investigate, and it turns out it was just a shadow from a potted plant. Sonia, you're scaring yourself with foliage! I love her, but I swear, if a ghost ever appears, it's probably just trying to escape her conversations about the afterlife.
Post a Comment