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I've been reading parenting books lately, trying to be a softer parent. The books say things like, "Use positive reinforcement." So, the other day, my kid spills milk all over the floor, and I'm like, "Great job! You just created a milk waterfall!" But then my wife walks in, and she's like, "Are you encouraging the mess?" Now I'm torn between being a supportive parent and trying to clean up a milk waterfall. Turns out, softer parenting is harder than I thought.
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Dating is tough, right? So my friend suggests I take a softer approach. He says, "Be gentle, be kind." So, I decided to bring flowers on a date. But not just any flowers—soft, plush flowers. I handed them to my date, and she looked at me like I was crazy. I thought it was a great idea until she tried to put them in water. Now, I'm just a guy sitting across from a woman who's desperately trying to hydrate a stuffed sunflower. It's like a twisted episode of the dating game, the softer edition.
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You know, folks, I recently got some advice from a friend who told me I needed to be "softer." So, I thought, "Okay, I'll give it a shot." I started by switching to softer toilet paper. You know, the kind that feels like you're wiping with a cloud. But let me tell you, my cat is not a fan. She's giving me this judgmental look like, "What happened to the good stuff, huh?" I'm just over here trying to be softer, and my cat's boycotting my bathroom choices.
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I've been trying to get in shape, and my fitness trainer told me to take a softer approach to working out. So, I signed up for a "gentle yoga" class. The instructor tells us to find our zen, and I'm thinking, "This is great, I'm finally getting fit without breaking a sweat." But then the instructor asks us to do the downward dog, and I realize there's nothing gentle about my body forming a lowercase 'n' in front of a room full of people.
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