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You ever notice how texting has become this intricate dance? It's like the tango, but instead of gracefully gliding across a ballroom, we're tripping over autocorrect and predictive text. I got a text the other day that just said "sms." That's it. No context, no explanation. Just three letters. It's like someone threw a Scrabble board at me and said, "Figure it out!" I'm staring at my phone like it's a riddle from a wizard.
And what's with autocorrect turning "ducking" into "ducking"? I'm not a waterfowl enthusiast; I just want to express my frustration without sounding like I'm on a nature hike.
You ever send a risky text and then spend the next 10 minutes analyzing the three dots that show someone's typing? It's like waiting for a bomb to go off. "Will they respond with 'lol' or 'bye Felicia'? The suspense is killing me!
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Ghosting used to be something that happened in horror movies, but now it's an everyday occurrence in our social lives. You meet someone, you hit it off, and then poof! They vanish like a magician's assistant. I got ghosted recently, and it felt like I was part of some twisted game show. "Will they reply? Stay tuned for the next episode of 'Dating Survivor'!" I even considered hiring a private investigator to track down my missing conversation partner.
And then there's the unmatched on dating apps. It's like swiping right is the modern equivalent of handing someone a rose, and they respond by throwing it in the trash. "Sorry, your love is not a match for me. Please try again.
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Can we talk about emojis for a second? I feel like my phone is constantly judging me for not using enough emojis. It's like, "Hey, you just said your cat died. Throw in a smiley face to lighten the mood!" And don't get me started on the emoji suggestions. I type "I love" and suddenly my phone thinks I'm confessing my undying love for the eggplant emoji. No, phone, I just love pizza. Let's not take this to a weird place.
And what's the deal with the "thumbs up" emoji? It's the most passive-aggressive way to end a conversation. You pour your heart out, and they respond with a digital thumbs up. It's like they're saying, "Your emotional turmoil has been acknowledged with a single, cold, lifeless appendage.
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Let's talk about voicemails. Remember when voicemails were the bane of our existence? Now it's like leaving a message is a lost art form. You leave a voicemail, and it's treated like an ancient relic from a bygone era. I called my friend the other day, and instead of answering, he texted me, "Why are you calling?" I'm like, "I don't know, maybe because it's a phone, and that's what phones are for?"
And don't even get me started on the voicemail greetings that sound like a Shakespearean soliloquy. "Hello, you've reached the illustrious voicemail box of Sir John. I am unable to take your call at this moment as I am undoubtedly engaged in matters of great importance.
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