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You ever try to explain technology to a second grader? It's like trying to teach a cat to tap dance. I showed my cousin's kid a floppy disk, and he looked at me like I just handed him an ancient artifact. "Is this a 3D-printed save button?" he asked. Yeah, kid, and I'm a time traveler from the '90s.
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Second graders have this unique talent for turning any innocent statement into a philosophical debate. I told my niece, "Life is like a rollercoaster, full of ups and downs." She responded with, "Is it though? I mean, what if life is more like a merry-go-round, going in circles with the occasional brass ring of success?" I just wanted to talk about amusement parks, not write a thesis on existentialism.
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Second graders are the only people on the planet who can turn a simple game of hide and seek into a strategic military operation. My nephew goes, "I'll hide in the closet, you count to a million, and then send out a search party with bloodhounds." Buddy, we're in a one-bedroom apartment; there's nowhere to hide!
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Second graders have this incredible knack for making you question your own existence. My neighbor's kid asked me, "What did you want to be when you were my age?" I thought about it and said, "Honestly, probably a dinosaur. But I settled for being a comedian instead.
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Second graders have this incredible ability to ask the most profound questions at the most inconvenient times. Like, right in the middle of my intense Netflix binge, my nephew pops up and goes, "Uncle, why is the sky blue?" I don't know, kid, but I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with the latest episode of my favorite show.
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You know you've reached peak adulthood when you find yourself genuinely fascinated by a second grader's art project involving macaroni and glitter. Suddenly, you're standing there thinking, "Maybe I missed my true calling as a pasta artist.
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Trying to explain the concept of time zones to a second grader is like trying to explain quantum physics to a goldfish. My cousin's kid asked, "If it's morning here, is it already tomorrow in Australia?" I felt like I was negotiating a peace treaty between two time-traveling kangaroos.
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You know you're getting old when you try to help a second grader with their math homework, and suddenly, you feel like you need a PhD in advanced calculus just to understand what they're asking. I mean, what happened to the good old days of 2 + 2?
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I tried helping my neighbor's second grader with a science project about plants. You wouldn't believe the existential crisis I had when he asked, "Why do plants have leaves?" I'm standing there thinking, "Why do I have leaves? I mean, I have bills, does that count?
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Second graders have this magical ability to make you question your basic knowledge. My niece asked me, "Uncle, why is the grass green?" I confidently replied, "Because of chlorophyll." She stared at me and said, "I think it's green because it likes being called grass and not blue." Well, I stand corrected.
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