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You know you've mastered the art of school speeches when you can seamlessly transition from nervous laughter to a full-blown interpretive dance about quadratic equations. Trust me; it's a crowd-pleaser.
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Why do they call it a "speech" in school? It's more like a monologue where your audience is just waiting for their turn to speak, and by "speak," I mean criticize your choice of font and the excessive use of bullet points.
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School speeches are the only time you'll see someone go from confident speaker to amateur beatboxer in a matter of seconds. "Uh, so, my topic is... beatboxing noises .
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You ever notice how in school speeches, the teachers always tell you to make eye contact with the audience? I tried that once, and now I'm banned from the local zoo for allegedly intimidating the giraffes.
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I had to give a speech about the importance of time management. The irony is, I spent so much time procrastinating on that speech that I now consider it a case study in ironic comedy.
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The scariest part about school speeches is not the fear of public speaking itself. It's the fear that someone will ask a question about your topic, and you'll have to respond with, "I'll get back to you after some thorough Google searching.
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I recently had to give a speech at my old school. You remember that feeling, right? The sweaty palms, the shaky voice, and the sudden realization that you never really understood the Pythagorean theorem. Yeah, good times.
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Remember those speeches we had to give in school about our summer vacations? Yeah, because nothing says riveting storytelling like "I went to the beach, ate ice cream, and tried not to get sunburned." Pulitzer material right there.
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They say practice makes perfect. So naturally, before my last school speech, I practiced in front of the mirror. The mirror's review? "Could use more charisma and fewer awkward pauses." Thanks, mirror, you're a tough crowd.
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