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I was thinking about wealth the other day, and it occurred to me that the only time most of us see a briefcase is in movies or when someone wants to look important. If I carried a briefcase around, people would probably assume it's just filled with snacks and a coloring book.
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Being the richest person on the planet must involve a lot of awkward encounters. "Oh, you're the wealthiest individual alive? Cool, cool. So, can you spare a dollar for the vending machine?
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I read that the world's richest people have their own private islands. Meanwhile, I'm over here feeling accomplished if I manage to snag the last piece of cake at a birthday party.
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You ever notice how the richest people always have the fanciest cars? I mean, if I had a dollar for every time I've seen a millionaire in a sleek, shiny sports car, I might be able to afford the cup of coffee I'm drinking right now.
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The richest people have personal chefs, personal trainers, personal assistants – it's like they're trying to outsource their entire lives. "Hey, can you breathe for me too while you're at it?
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The wealthiest people always talk about their investments and portfolios. Meanwhile, I'm just here trying to figure out the best way to invest in a pizza without eating it all in one sitting.
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Have you ever noticed that the richer someone is, the more likely they are to wear sunglasses indoors? It's like they're trying to protect their eyes from the blinding glow of their own bank statements.
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I've noticed that the more money someone has, the less likely they are to understand the concept of a sale. "Why would I buy one shirt for $20 when I can buy 20 shirts for $500 each?
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Ever notice how the richest people seem to have a special talent for turning everyday activities into extreme sports? "Watch as I navigate through my walk-in closet without spilling a drop of my artisanal coffee!
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