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Can we talk about the absurdity of texting? It's like we've entered a new era of communication where punctuation is a mystery and spelling is optional. I received a text the other day that said, "gr8, c u l8r." I had to decode that like I was solving a secret message from a spy. And what's with the ambiguous thumbs-up emoji? You send a heartfelt message, pouring your soul into a text, and the response is a single thumbs-up. It's like, "Is that enthusiasm or are you just too lazy to type out 'okay'?"
And autocorrect? It's like my phone is playing a constant game of "Guess What I Meant." I sent a message saying, "I'll be there in a sec," and autocorrect changed it to "I'll be there in a sex." Now, not only am I late, but I've accidentally joined a questionable rendezvous!
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Can we discuss email signatures for a moment? Some people treat their email signature like it's the closing credits of a blockbuster movie. I got an email from a colleague the other day, and her signature was longer than the actual message. It had her name, title, phone number, email address, social security number—I wouldn't be surprised if her blood type was in there too. And then there's the classic email sign-off struggle. Do you go with "Best regards," "Sincerely," or the always ambiguous "Thanks"? It's like we need an email etiquette consultant to guide us through the treacherous waters of professional communication.
And why do people feel the need to reply-all to every office-wide email? I sent a memo about the coffee machine being out of order, and suddenly, the entire company is involved in a heated debate about their favorite brand of coffee beans. I'm just over here thinking, "Can we fix the machine first, and then we can start a coffee connoisseur club?
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You know, I've come to the conclusion that people who take pictures of their food at restaurants are the modern-day food paparazzi. I mean, you can't even enjoy a meal without someone at the next table snapping pics of their salad like it's the Mona Lisa. I went out to dinner with a friend recently, and before we could even take a bite, she pulls out her phone and starts arranging her plate like she's staging a photoshoot for a gourmet magazine. I'm just sitting there like, "Are you going to eat that, or is it for your culinary Instagram series?"
And let's not forget the struggle of finding the perfect filter for your food photos. Because nothing says "delicious" like a vintage filter that makes your pizza look like it survived the 19th century.
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You ever notice how people's profile pictures on social media are like the ultimate optical illusion? I mean, you see this amazing photo of someone looking like they just stepped out of a fashion magazine, and then you meet them in person, and it's like, "Did you bring your twin along?" I recently met up with a friend I hadn't seen in years, thanks to the magic of online reconnections. Her profile pic was all filters and angles, creating this illusion that she'd discovered the fountain of youth. When I saw her in person, I almost asked, "Did you leave your profile pic at home?"
I think we should have mandatory in-person profile pic updates. Like, every year, you have to post a photo of yourself at your most average. Call it the "Reality Check Challenge." No filters, no Photoshop, just you and your daily dose of gravity.
And don't get me started on those people who use their high school photo as their profile pic. I mean, congrats on peaking in 10th grade, but the rest of us have been through some stuff!
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