17 Jokes About Preachers

Puns

Updated on: Apr 07 2025

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The preacher tried to make a reservation at the seafood restaurant. They said, 'Sorry, we only serve cod.
The preacher's favorite exercise? Cross fit!
Did you hear about the preacher who moonlights as a DJ? He really knows how to drop the beats and the scriptures!
The preacher tried to perform a wedding ceremony for two earthworms. He said, 'I now pronounce you worm and wife!
Why did the preacher bring a ladder to the sermon? He wanted to take his sermon to the next level!
The preacher's favorite type of math? Sin-cosine!
I asked the preacher if he believes in ghosts. He said, 'Only holy spirits!

Holy Laughter

You ever notice how preachers have this amazing ability to make you feel guilty about everything? I went to church last Sunday, and the preacher made me feel so guilty, I apologized to my toaster for burning the bread!

Miracle Diets

Preachers are always preaching about miracles. I thought I'd try a miracle diet. I prayed over my pizza, but the only miracle was how fast it disappeared. Turns out, divine intervention doesn't burn calories.

Holy Water Bill

I heard about a preacher who blessed his car to make it run smoother. So, I tried blessing my Wi-Fi router. Now I just have a holy connection problem. Turns out, the router's more into agnosticism.

Divine Dating Advice

I asked a preacher for dating advice, and he told me to find someone with a good sense of humor. So, I went to a comedy club. Turns out, the guy at the mic wasn't looking for a long-term commitment.

Amen or Awkward?

You know, preachers have this uncanny knack for saying, Can I get an amen? And the whole congregation shouts, Amen! But honestly, half the time, I'm just nodding along, thinking, Did he ask for an amen or an almond?

The Original GPS - God's Positioning Sermon

Preachers are like the original GPS. They're always telling you to turn around, repent, and avoid the wrong path. I tried using their guidance on a road trip. Let's just say, I ended up at the gates of Heaven's toll booth with no change.

Sermon on the Mount... of Laundry

Preachers always talk about the importance of cleanliness and purity. I tried applying that to my laundry, but it turns out my washing machine doesn't perform miracles. Now my whites are more of a beige.

Hallelujah for GPS

Ever notice how preachers can make anything sound exciting? I was lost in the city, and I asked a preacher for directions. He started giving me turn-by-turn instructions with so much enthusiasm; I felt like I was on a spiritual quest. I just needed directions to the nearest coffee shop!

Holy Ghost Scare

Have you ever been to a church where they speak in tongues? I tried it at a job interview, thinking it would impress them. Now, I'm just waiting for the call to become a translator for the Holy Ghost.

In the Church of Discounts

I recently discovered a new religion that offers salvation in the form of discounts. It's called Couponanity. Instead of saying, Amen, they shout, Cha-ching! I guess you can call it a holy sale-vation.

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