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It's impressive how preachers can turn a simple handshake into a full-on exorcism. You go in for a friendly greeting, and suddenly they're casting out demons like they're trying to win an award for the most dramatic handshake of the year.
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Why is it that preachers always seem to have the most comfortable church chairs known to man? I mean, I've sat in office chairs less ergonomic than those pews. Maybe that's the real secret to enlightenment – finding the perfect balance between spiritual enlightenment and lumbar support.
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You ever notice how preachers have a knack for using really fancy words in their sermons? I attended one recently where the preacher used "antidisestablishmentarianism." I had to Google it later just to find out if I was saved or not.
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You ever notice how preachers have the incredible ability to turn a two-minute prayer into a spiritual TED Talk? I asked for grace over my meal, not a sermon on the history of potatoes!
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Preachers have this unique talent for making you feel guilty about things you didn't even know were sins. I mean, who knew that coveting your neighbor's Wi-Fi password was a violation of the Ten Commandments?
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I love how preachers can seamlessly transition from speaking in tongues to giving you directions to the nearest Starbucks. It's like, "Hallelujah! Take a left at the next intersection, and you'll find salvation in a Venti Caramel Macchiato.
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Have you ever tried sneaking out of a church service early? It's like trying to escape a conversation with a talkative friend. You start inching towards the door, hoping the preacher doesn't notice, but then they hit you with a, "And in conclusion," just as you're about to make your grand exit.
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Preachers have this magical ability to remember everyone's name in the congregation. Meanwhile, I struggle to remember the names of my own family members. Maybe I should start calling my sister "Sister Sarah" – it has a nice ring to it.
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Why is it that preachers always seem to have the perfect anecdote for every situation? They could probably turn a trip to the grocery store into a biblical parable. "And lo, as I walked through the produce aisle, I realized the importance of choosing organic fruits for the Garden of Eden.
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