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You ever notice how hiring a porter is like inviting a minimalist tornado into your life? I hired a guy to help me with some heavy lifting, and I swear he took a minimalist approach to it. I pointed at the boxes, and he looked at me like I'd just asked him to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded. I said, "Can you handle those boxes?" And he goes, "Define 'handle.'"
I mean, I didn't expect him to recite Shakespeare while lifting, but a little enthusiasm would be nice. It's like I hired a human shrug emoji.
I asked him, "Can you be careful with that fragile box?" He nods, and then proceeds to toss it in the air like he's auditioning for a juggling act. I felt like I needed a defibrillator for my fragile items.
Hiring a porter is like playing a game of "Will it break or will it survive?" It's a real-life episode of "Porter or Poltergeist?
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I've come to the conclusion that porters are like puzzle enthusiasts. They see a bunch of boxes and think, "Challenge accepted." But instead of solving the puzzle, they create a new abstract art form with your belongings. I told my porter, "Just stack the boxes neatly, please." He arranged them like a game of Jenga on a ship during a storm. It was impressive, in a "I hope my dishes survive this" kind of way.
I'm starting to believe porters have a sixth sense for finding the most awkwardly shaped items and strategically placing them on top of delicate things. It's like they're playing 3D Tetris with my furniture.
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I decided to document my adventures with porters because it felt like I stumbled into a sitcom called "The Porter Chronicles." You know you've got a unique life when your daily drama revolves around whether your porter can distinguish between "this side up" and "this side down." I tried giving him specific instructions, like, "Handle with care, it's fragile." He looked at me with a blank expression and asked, "What's fragile?" I thought I was hiring a porter, not an existential philosopher.
I'm starting to believe that porters have their own secret language. You tell them one thing, and they interpret it as a dance move. "Handle with care" apparently means breakdance on this fragile glassware.
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I tried understanding the psychology of porters. Maybe they're just misunderstood artists expressing themselves through chaotic moves and unpredictable choices. It's like they believe in the philosophy of "Life is a mess, and so is this moving job." I asked one porter about his strategy, and he said, "I like to keep things interesting." Interesting? I just want my dishes to survive the journey, not participate in an extreme sports competition.
In the end, hiring a porter is an exercise in embracing chaos. You're not just moving, you're participating in a live performance art piece, where your belongings are the stars, and the porter is the avant-garde director. It's moving day meets modern art.
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