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Police horses in the city are like the VIPs of the animal kingdom. They're strolling through crowded streets like they own the place. I mean, if I tried to walk through Times Square like that, people would just be like, "Excuse me, sir, you dropped something... your dignity." And those horses have to deal with so much. It's like being a celebrity without the private jet. People are taking selfies with them, and the horses are probably thinking, "Can't I just enjoy my hay in peace?"
I wonder if police horses have their own version of social media. "Just patrolled 5th Avenue, almost stepped on gum. #CityLife #EquineAdventures
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I heard there's a special training program for police horses, and I'm thinking, what's that conversation like? Is there a horse whisperer confessing his secrets to the horse? "Listen, buddy, when you see someone jaywalking, just give 'em the stink eye. It works every time." And do police horses have partners? Like, is there a buddy cop movie waiting to happen with a horse and a human? "Coming this summer, it's 'Hoof and Order.' One's got a badge; the other's got hooves. Together, they're neighing up the streets of justice!
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You know, police horses are powerful, but I bet they have some insecurities. Like, they're trotting around, and a motorcycle goes by, and they're like, "Wait, why don't I make that cool vroom-vroom sound?" And what about the police officers riding them? It's like they're the chauffeurs for these four-legged law enforcers. I can imagine a horse looking at a cop and saying, "I could run faster without you on my back, you know. I've got horsepower; you're just dead weight!
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You ever notice how police horses are basically undercover unicorns? I mean, think about it. They've got this majestic mane, they're trotting around with authority, and they're like, "Hey, I may be a horse, but I've got a badge, so watch out!" I saw a police horse the other day, and I thought, "Is this a crime-fighting horse or did Hogwarts start a mounted patrol unit?" Can you imagine a wizard cop on a unicorn giving you a speeding ticket? "You were going too fast in a no-fly zone, sir!"
And what's with the police horses getting all the attention? I've never seen a police goldfish or a police hamster. Maybe they're onto something. Imagine a tiny police hamster chasing down a suspect, just rolling after them in a little hamster ball. "Stop! In the name of cheese!
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