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The Culinary Connoisseur
Accidentally using pepper spray instead of cooking spray
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My cooking is so hot; even the smoke alarm has PTSD. I used pepper spray instead of oil once, and now my stove refuses to cooperate. It's like, "I've been through too much – I'm retiring from this spicy madness.
The Innocent Bystander
Unintentionally pepper sprayed
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I never thought I'd be jealous of vegetables until that day. I mean, at least onions warn you before making you cry. Pepper spray just shows up uninvited, like the annoying neighbor who brings their problems to your doorstep.
The Forgetful Shopper
Mistakenly using pepper spray as a breath freshener
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My dentist asked me what kind of toothpaste I was using. I said, "Pepper spray – it guarantees no cavity creeps will come near my molars." He looked at me like I was crazy, but hey, oral hygiene and personal safety go hand in hand.
The Overly Cautious Detective
Accidentally pepper sprayed during self-defense training
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They say "practice makes perfect." Well, I've perfected the art of unintentionally pepper spraying myself. It's my signature move. Criminals, beware – I might not catch you, but my pepper spray definitely will.
The Amnesiac Jogger
Pepper sprayed during a jog, can't remember why
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My jogging app now has a new feature: the pepper spray challenge. It tracks your sprint speed, scream volume, and how well you can navigate while blinded. It's like a high-stakes game of hide-and-seek, but with more panic.
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