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The Enthusiastic Dog Walker
When "Patrol" Turns Into a Game of Who's Walking Whom
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My neighbors avoid us because they know if they make eye contact, they'll be dragged into our patrol. I'm like the neighborhood watch, but instead of a flashlight, I have a bag of dog treats and a plastic bag for emergencies. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it.
The Suburban Teen on Bike Patrol
When "Patrolling" Clashes with the Need for Speed
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I tried to convince my parents that the real crime was my lack of a custom paint job on my bike. They weren't buying it. Apparently, preventing crime is more important than having the coolest ride on the block. Life is so unfair.
The Paranoid UFO Spotter
When "Patrol" Means Watching the Skies for Extraterrestrial Intruders
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My friend asked if I had ever been abducted by aliens. I told him, "No, but I did get abducted by my own imagination once. Turns out, alien probing is just a weird dream after eating too much pizza.
The Lazy Neighborhood Watch Member
The Battle Between Vigilance and Napping
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My neighbors are convinced I'm the reason crime rates have gone down. In reality, it's because no criminal wants to be caught by the guy who patrols in slippers. "Oh no, the fluffy slipper avenger is coming! Scatter, criminals!
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