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I tried camping once. Keyword: tried. Sleeping on the ground, battling mosquitoes, and pretending I wasn't terrified of every rustle in the bushes. It's like, "Nature, we need to talk. I appreciate you, but let's keep our distance.
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You ever notice how when someone says they love outdoor activities, they really mean they love the idea of outdoor activities? Like, sure, I enjoy a good hike, but have you seen my couch? It's got this magnetic force that's tough to resist.
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You know you're getting old when your idea of a wild night is staying up past 10 PM... to stargaze in your backyard. I call it extreme relaxation. I might even throw in a yawn for added excitement.
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Outdoor workouts sound fantastic until you're jogging and a butterfly decides to challenge you to a race. Next thing you know, you're in a competition you didn't sign up for, and the butterfly's winning.
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Why is it that the moment you decide to have a picnic, the wind suddenly turns into a tornado? You're holding onto your sandwich like it's the last piece of civilization in a post-apocalyptic world.
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Nothing makes you appreciate indoor plumbing more than a camping trip. When you have to trek through the wilderness to answer nature's call, suddenly your bathroom at home feels like a luxurious spa.
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I admire people who go on extreme outdoor adventures. Meanwhile, I consider going to the grocery store without a shopping list a daring expedition. It's a dangerous game of forgetfulness and impulse buys.
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Outdoor dining is great until you realize you're not the only one enjoying your meal. Suddenly, you're having a staring contest with a squirrel eyeing your fries, and you're thinking, "Is this what they mean by a shared dining experience?
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I love the concept of picnics. It's like, "Let's take this perfectly good meal, put it in a basket, and then eat it on a blanket surrounded by ants." Mother Nature's version of a potluck.
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