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You know you’re getting old when you start celebrating your back not hurting as much as it did yesterday. It’s like, "Yay! I can tie my shoes without sound effects today!" But seriously, I feel like at a certain age, every time you creak or pop, you should get some sort of loyalty card for discounts. "Oh, excuse me, my knee just cracked. Can I get a free coffee?
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But you know what’s great about getting older? You start caring less about what people think. Like, if I want to dance like nobody’s watching, I’ll do it! Though, with my back, it’s more like dancing like everybody’s watching but from a safe distance. And you also get this superpower called "selective hearing." It’s not that I can’t hear you; I just have the ability to conveniently ignore things I don’t want to deal with. It's like a mute button for life!
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You ever try explaining technology to someone from an older generation? It’s like teaching calculus to a toddler. "No, Grandma, the cloud isn’t an actual cloud. No, Grandpa, you can’t fix the computer by yelling at it. Well, unless you’ve named it 'Therapy,' then maybe it'll help." I feel like I’m the IT department in my family. "Have you tried turning it off and on again?" should just be tattooed on my forehead at this point.
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I’ve noticed something about aging—the mirror at home seems to be in some secret conspiracy with time. It’s like, "Hey, mirror, I know I didn’t buy the upgrade package, but could we stick to just regular aging and not the director’s cut? I didn’t sign up for this extra 'wisdom' around my eyes!" And why does it seem like the mirror in the bathroom ages us faster than the one in the bedroom? Is there like a daylight savings time for wrinkles?
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