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I told my coworkers I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
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I told my boss I needed a raise because I'm skilled in multitasking. I can do five things at once: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and daydreaming.
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I asked my boss if I could come to the office party dressed as a problem. He said, 'No, that's how you come every day.
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