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You know you're an adult when the highlight of your week is finding a pair of matching socks. I set that bar for success on November 12th, 2018, and here I am, still celebrating small victories like sock reunions.
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You ever notice how the date on a calendar is like the most optimistic to-do list? November 12th, 2018: "Today I'll conquer the world, learn a new language, and maybe clean out the fridge." Well, here I am in 2024, still struggling with that fridge.
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Remember that feeling on November 12th, 2018, when you told yourself you'd start saving money? Fast forward to today, and my bank account is like, "Hey, remember me? I used to have more digits." Turns out the only thing growing faster than my savings plan is my collection of takeout menus.
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Anyone else remember setting big goals on November 12th, 2018? I was so ambitious. "I'm going to hit the gym every day, eat healthy, and become a morning person." Cut to me snoozing my alarm for the fifth time today, eating a bag of chips, and convincing myself that the gym can wait until tomorrow... again.
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November 12th, 2018 – the day we all vowed to become culinary wizards. "I'm going to cook gourmet meals every night!" Well, the closest I've come to gourmet lately is sprinkling shredded cheese on instant noodles and calling it a masterpiece.
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You ever notice how on November 12th, 2018, we all swore off procrastination? Yeah, well, that resolution lasted about as long as a bag of chips in front of me right now. Procrastination is my cardio, and I'm in the best shape of my life... mentally, of course.
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November 12th, 2018, the day I promised myself I'd become a morning person. I even bought an alarm clock that simulates sunrise. Now, every morning feels like a beautiful sunrise as I hit the snooze button and go back to sleep.
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November 12th, 2018 – the day we declared war on clutter. "I'll organize my closet, clean out the garage, and declutter my life!" Cut to me opening my closet today, hoping an avalanche of clothes will somehow transform into a neatly arranged wardrobe.
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November 12th, 2018, the day I decided to become a morning jogger. I even bought expensive running shoes. Now, those shoes are gathering dust in the closet, while I've become a professional remote control athlete. My personal best? Finding the remote without leaving the couch.
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