14 Jokes For None

Puns

Updated on: Jul 12 2024

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I would tell you a joke about construction, but I'm still working on it. None of my ideas have built up yet!
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it. It's none too easy!
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands. None of the keys seemed to appreciate my sense of touch!
I tried to catch fog yesterday. I mist. None of it was in my hands!

Ghostly Gadgets

I bought a ghost detector online. It arrived, and I asked it if there were any spirits around. It replied, Yeah, the one who just bought a ghost detector. What a loser. I thought I was buying a tool; turns out, I got a snarky spectral sidekick.

Specter at the Comedy Club

I saw a ghost trying stand-up comedy the other day. It was a tough crowd, and he was struggling. Kept complaining that he couldn't get any boo's. Well, buddy, that's because they're all 'boo'ing you from the afterlife.

Haunted GPS

I met a ghost who claimed he was an expert navigator. He said he could lead you anywhere. I asked for directions, and he said, Take the second right after the graveyard. I thought I was lost, but he assured me it was a dead-end.

Casper's Identity Crisis

I met Casper, the friendly ghost, the other day. He told me he's tired of being friendly all the time. He wants to be a little edgy, maybe even a bit spooky. I said, Casper, you do you, but good luck convincing people you're the 'Bad Boy of the Afterlife.'

Paranormal Potluck

I hosted a potluck for ghosts last week. It was a real spirit gathering. One ghost brought an invisible casserole. I said, Man, this is great! Can I get the recipe? And he replied, Sure, just like my cooking skills – a dash of nothing, a sprinkle of air.

Haunted House Real Estate

I tried to buy a haunted house once. The realtor told me it came with its own ghost. I asked if it had any issues, and he said, Just the occasional 'boo' in the middle of the night. I thought, Perfect! I always wanted a house with built-in entertainment.

The Absent-Minded Ghost

You ever hear about the ghost who wanted to haunt people but kept forgetting where he left his chains? He was so absent-minded; he'd rattle a doorknob and then spend hours searching for it. Poor guy, he's haunting his own forgetfulness.

Haunted Relationships

I dated a ghost once. It was going well until I realized we had no future. I'd ask, Where do you see us in five years? and he'd say, Still here, haunting this spot. I had to break up; I needed a relationship with a bit more life in it.

Phantom Foodie

I met a ghost who was a food critic in his past life. He said, I only review invisible dishes now. I asked him to recommend something, and he said, The spectral soufflé – light, airy, and vanishes before you finish.

Ghostly Workout Routine

I saw a ghost at the gym the other day. He was on the treadmill, but he wasn't really going anywhere. I asked him what his workout routine was, and he said, Cardio for the soul, man, cardio for the soul.

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