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You ever notice how everyone's got their own little niche? You know, that special thing they're into that no one else seems to get. My neighbor, for example, has this niche for collecting garden gnomes. Yeah, he's got more gnomes in his backyard than I have friends on social media. I asked him about it, and he's like, "Oh, you wouldn't understand, it's a gnome thing." Really? I thought gnomes were just those creepy little statues that stare at you judgmentally while you mow the lawn. But it got me thinking about my own niche. I realized my niche is pretending to know what people are talking about. Like, someone starts going on about astrophysics, and I'm nodding my head like, "Oh yeah, black holes and stuff, totally get it." Meanwhile, I'm just hoping they don't ask me to explain dark matter, because in my world, dark matter is just the stuff at the bottom of my laundry basket that I'm too lazy to wash.
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You ever think about what kind of superpower you'd want? I used to dream of flying or being invisible, you know, the classics. But then I discovered the world of niche superpowers. Like, there's a guy who can tell if someone's lying just by the way they blink. Imagine having that power at a poker game. You'd clean up! Meanwhile, I'm over here struggling to tell the difference between a genuine smile and a "I'm smiling because I have to but I really want to escape this conversation" smile. And then there's the person who claims they can control traffic lights with their mind. Really? Can you use that power during rush hour, please? I'm tired of spending half my life waiting at red lights. But hey, maybe my niche superpower is the ability to find the longest line at any given time. Move over, mind-controlled traffic lights, I've got this superpower on lock.
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Have you ever noticed how trends can get ridiculously niche? I mean, I thought I was trendy because I finally started using a standing desk. Then I found out there's a whole subculture of people who are into extreme standing. They're like, "Oh, you stand at work? That's cute. I stand on top of mountains while balancing on one foot and juggling lemons. It's the new thing." Really? I can't even juggle my schedule, let alone citrus fruits. And don't get me started on food trends. Avocado toast was cool, right? Now it's all about artisanal nut butter on sweet potato slices. I feel like I need a degree in culinary anthropology just to keep up. Next thing you know, people will be Instagramming pictures of themselves eating quinoa with a fork made from recycled bicycle parts.
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So, who here has tried online dating? Yeah, it's like diving headfirst into a pool of awkwardness. Everyone's got their niche dating profile. I saw one guy whose entire profile was dedicated to his love of cheese. I mean, I get it, cheese is great, but I don't know if I want my romantic future to be determined by a mutual affection for Gouda. Then there are those folks who are into extreme niche dating. I came across a site for people who love dressing up as fruit and going on dates. Seriously? I have a hard enough time picking out an outfit for a regular date, now I have to worry about whether my banana costume is appropriate for a fancy restaurant? It's like, "Do you have a vegan menu and a dressing room for fruit?
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