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My girlfriend dumped me, and I'm not saying it was a rough breakup, but even Netflix asked me if I was still watching during the middle of our breakup argument. That's when you know it's time for a solo binge-watching session.
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Breaking up is a lot like that last slice of pizza – you know it's not good for you, but you can't resist going back for more. And just like that slice of pizza, you're left with crumbs and a feeling of regret.
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My ex said we should see other people. I thought that was a great idea until I realized she meant at the same time. Turns out, "seeing other people" doesn't come with a play-by-play commentary. Note to self: clarify relationship terms before agreeing.
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My ex told me I needed to find myself. So, now I'm on a quest for self-discovery. I just hope I don't end up finding myself in a place with bad cell reception and no Wi-Fi – that would be a breakup and a technology detox all in one.
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Breakups are like Wi-Fi signals. Sometimes, they just disappear without any warning, leaving you staring at your phone wondering, "Did I just get ghosted, or is my connection just bad?" Either way, you're left feeling disconnected.
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They say laughter is the best medicine. Well, I just got dumped, so I guess I'm self-medicating with a healthy dose of stand-up comedy. Who needs a therapist when you have a microphone and a spotlight, right?
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Getting dumped is like trying to fold a fitted sheet – you think you've got it all figured out, and then suddenly, it's a mess, and you're not sure where it all went wrong. But hey, at least with a fitted sheet, you can eventually get it neatly folded. Relationships, not so much.
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My ex-girlfriend said we had communication issues. I didn't realize that was code for "I'm going to communicate this breakup via text." I guess emojis are the modern-day breakup language – I got a sad face and a waving hand. Thanks for the heartfelt farewell, I guess?
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So, my girlfriend broke up with me. You know you're going through a rough patch when even your relationship needs a "We need to talk" moment. I thought that was reserved for awkward job interviews and meetings with HR!
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