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Mother superior claims she can handle any parenting challenge. I asked her about teenagers, and she confidently said, "Oh, I've dealt with the terrible twos. Teenagers can't be that much worse." I just nodded, thinking, "Yeah, try dealing with a hormonal two-year-old who can drive.
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I saw mother superior at the grocery store with her kids. They were so well-behaved that my kids, who were busy reorganizing the cereal aisle, looked at them like they were celebrities. I felt like a failed director of a chaotic sitcom.
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I told mother superior that parenting is like juggling, and she said, "Oh, I've got that skill down." Turns out, she meant juggling the chaos, the laundry, and the endless requests for snacks. I thought she meant actual juggling, and now my living room is covered in spaghetti.
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Mother superior told me her secret to maintaining order at home is a strict routine. I tried it, but my kids rebelled and formed a tiny union demanding better snack options and shorter bedtime stories.
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You ever notice how "mother superior" sounds like a title for a mom who's just a little too proud of her parenting skills? Like, "Oh, you use organic baby wipes? Well, I'm mother superior, my child only breathes pure oxygen!
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You know you're in trouble when you hear that stern "mother superior" tone. It's the same tone she used when you were a kid, and you knew it was time to clean your room or face the wrath of the ruler-wielding nun within her.
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I was talking to my friend about mother superior, and he said, "She's like the CEO of parenting." I thought about it and realized, CEOs have board meetings, and so does she. Except in her case, it's at 3 am, and the board members are all stuffed animals.
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I asked mother superior for parenting advice, and she said, "Always stay one step ahead of your kids." I tried that, and now my toddler thinks I'm preparing for a marathon every time I chase him with a diaper.
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Mother superior has this magical ability to make her kids eat vegetables without a fuss. Meanwhile, my kid looks at broccoli like it's a vegetable-shaped punishment from the food gods.
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