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You know, my ghostwriter handed me this note that just said "lunatic," and I thought, "Well, that's a great start!" I mean, we all have a little lunatic in us, right? Some more than others, apparently. My neighbor, for instance, is a total lunatic. I'm pretty sure he's the guy who invented the phrase "dance like no one is watching" because I see him doing some weird interpretative dance every morning in his backyard. I thought it was a mating ritual at first, but turns out he's just really passionate about breakfast cereal. Who knew Frosted Flakes could inspire such moves?
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I recently adopted a pet from the local shelter, and they failed to mention that this cat is an absolute lunatic. I thought I was getting a cute, cuddly friend, but no. This cat thinks it's training for the feline Olympics every night at 3 AM. I've never seen someone do so many flips and acrobatics just to chase a laser pointer. I'm starting to suspect that I adopted the Tony Hawk of cats. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if it starts doing kickflips off the furniture.
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So, the other day, I went on a date with someone my friend set me up with. She seemed normal at first, but as the night went on, I started to realize there was a hint of lunacy in her. She asked me what my spirit animal was, and I said, "I don't know, probably a sloth." She got all serious and said hers was a dragon. I didn't want to ruin the moment, but I thought, "Great, I'm on a date with Khaleesi from Game of Thrones." I just hope she doesn't expect me to start breathing fire or hoarding gold anytime soon.
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You ever go to a family reunion and realize that you're related to a bunch of lunatics? I mean, my uncle thinks he's a stand-up comedian, but his jokes are so bad that even crickets wouldn't chirp. Last year, he tried to do a magic trick where he made a rabbit disappear. Turns out he just forgot to poke air holes in the box, and now we have a family ghost rabbit haunting our backyard. It's like, "Thanks, Uncle, I always wanted a pet ghost rabbit.
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