4 Jokes For Luca

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Jul 20 2024

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Do we have coffee lovers in the house? Yeah? Luca is a coffee enthusiast, to say the least. He's always like, "I can't function without my morning coffee." So, one day, I decide to surprise him with a fancy coffee maker. I'm thinking, "This is it. Luca's gonna be so happy."
I give it to him, and he looks at it like I handed him a spaceship manual. He's like, "What do I do with this?" I'm like, "Make coffee, Luca. It's not rocket science." He tries, and the next thing I know, the kitchen looks like a crime scene – coffee grounds everywhere, water on the ceiling. Luca and the coffee maker – a match made in chaos.
Ladies and gentlemen, let's talk about my friend Luca. Now, Luca claims to have this mysterious diet that's going to change your life. He's always like, "Oh, you gotta try it! It's incredible!" So, I'm like, "Alright, Luca, what's the secret?" And he leans in and whispers, "I only eat things that are green."
Now, I don't know about you, but that's not a diet; that's a color preference! So, I tried it for a week. Everything green. Green apples, green beans, green jelly beans – you name it. And let me tell you, I turned into the Hulk! Not in a muscular way, but in a gassy, bloated way. Luca's mystery diet, folks – turning friends into green gas machines.
Luca has this incredible superpower – the ability to misplace anything, anywhere, anytime. I once saw him lose his car keys in a one-bedroom apartment. I'm like, "Luca, how is that even possible?" He shrugs and says, "It's a gift."
So, we're on a road trip, and Luca has this important document. He's like, "I put it in a safe place." Hours later, he's tearing the car apart, looking for it. I ask, "Luca, where's the safe place?" He says, "I forgot." Luca's superpower – turning every outing into a scavenger hunt.
Let me tell you about Luca's navigation skills. The guy is convinced he has the best GPS system in the world. He's like, "It never fails me. I always get to my destination." So, we're driving, right? Luca's in the driver's seat, and the GPS says, "Turn left." And Luca confidently says, "No, I think it's a right."
We end up in the middle of nowhere. I'm looking around, and all I see are cows staring at us like, "What are these city folks doing here?" I turn to Luca, and I'm like, "Is this your secret shortcut, Luca? Cow country?" Luca and his GPS – leading us on scenic routes we never signed up for.

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