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Life is short; eat dessert first. Yeah, because nothing says "adulting" like tackling the important decisions head-on, like choosing between cake and responsibilities. Spoiler alert: Cake usually wins.
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Be the change you want to see in the world." I tried that, and now I'm banned from the zoo for attempting to train penguins to do stand-up comedy. Apparently, they're more into slapstick than observational humor.
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I saw a quote that said, "Life is a journey, not a destination." Well, if life is a journey, my GPS must be broken because I keep ending up in the snack aisle of the grocery store. Guess my destination is flavor town.
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You ever read a life quote and think, "Who writes this stuff?" I saw one that said, "Follow your dreams." Well, my dreams involve pizza and napping, so I guess I'm on the right track to becoming a world-class napologist.
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Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts." You know what else counts? My collection of pizza delivery points. It's not a competition, but if it were, I'd be winning.
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They say, "Dance like nobody's watching." Well, I tried that, and now I'm banned from three weddings and a grocery store. Turns out, people appreciate a good two-step in the privacy of their own homes, not in the produce aisle.
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Time heals almost everything; give time time." Does that mean if I wait long enough, my laundry will fold itself? Because if that's the case, time, you've got some explaining to do.
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They say laughter is the best medicine, so whoever said, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," clearly never discovered the healing powers of a good knock-knock joke. I mean, have you tried telling a doctor a joke? It's cheaper than a co-pay.
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You ever notice how life quotes are like that one friend who gives advice but has their life together about as much as a cat riding a unicycle? I mean, thanks for the wisdom, but maybe get your own ducks in a row before handing out advice like it's candy.
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Life is like a box of chocolates, they say. But let's be real, it's more like a bag of mixed nuts. Sometimes you get the cashews, and everything is smooth sailing. Other times, you're stuck with the weirdly shaped peanuts that you can't crack open without making a mess. Life, it's just a nutty adventure.
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