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My doctor told me that I need to take laughter seriously. I said, "Doc, I take my laughter so seriously that I've turned it into a career!" Now, instead of paying for therapy, I get paid to make people laugh. I went to see a specialist the other day – a laughter specialist. You know, the kind of doctor who prescribes one hour of standup comedy a day. He said, "You're not getting enough humor in your diet." I asked if I could get that in gummy form, but he insisted on live performances.
I told my doctor I was feeling a bit down, and he said, "Try standup comedy – it's the only thing with more side-splitting effects than your appendix bursting.
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You know how medicine commercials always list a bunch of side effects? "May cause drowsiness, nausea, uncontrollable laughter." Wait a minute – is that a side effect or a selling point? I love the idea of laughter as a side effect. Imagine taking a medication, and suddenly you're at a comedy club, laughing your troubles away. That's my kind of prescription!
But seriously, if laughter is a side effect, I want my medicine to have the full range of comedic side effects – from puns to slapstick. I want my doctor to say, "Take this pill, and you might start heckling your own problems.
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I heard someone say, "Laughter is the best medicine." So, naturally, I've decided to skip the flu shot this year and just binge-watch comedy specials. If laughter is the best medicine, then Netflix is my pharmacy. I tried to explain this to my insurance company. I said, "Instead of a co-pay, can I just tell you a joke?" They weren't amused, but I saved a lot on medical bills.
I've even started self-diagnosing. Got a headache? Watch a comedy movie. Feeling stressed? Listen to a standup podcast. It's like I've become my own laughter-based healthcare system. Who needs WebMD when you have NetflixMD?
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You know they say laughter is the best medicine, right? Well, if that's the case, I must be the world's greatest pharmacist. Forget about the CVS or Walgreens down the street – just come to my comedy show for a healthy dose of chuckles. I tried to fill a prescription the other day, and the pharmacist handed me a DVD of my last standup performance. He said, "Take two jokes and call me in the morning." I guess my comedy is FDA-approved now.
You ever notice how they have those childproof caps on medicine bottles? I think they need adult-proof caps on my comedy shows. Some of these jokes are so potent; I don't want anyone overdosing on laughter!
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