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You know you're dealing with an intelligent toastmaster when they start giving relationship advice in the middle of a toast. This guy says, "As Jane and John embark on this journey of matrimony, let them remember the wisdom of the ancient Egyptians, who believed that the key to a lasting marriage is communication, understanding, and sacrificing the occasional goat to the gods." I'm just hoping they're vegetarians. And then he tells the newlyweds, "May your love be as unbreakable as the laws of physics and as eternal as the confusion surrounding dark matter." I'm thinking, "Great, now their marriage is a cosmic riddle. Good luck solving that one, lovebirds.
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The grand finale with these intelligent toastmasters is always a poetic closing. This guy ends with, "In closing, let us remember that love is the melody of the heart, and marriage is the dance of souls intertwined in the symphony of existence." I'm just hoping the dance floor is big enough for my two left feet. And then he goes, "As we conclude this celebration, let us release a collective sigh of gratitude, like a gentle breeze carrying the fragrance of love into the cosmos." At this point, I'm not sure if we're toasting a wedding or summoning an intergalactic love deity.
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Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever been to one of those fancy events where they have an "intelligent toastmaster"? You know, the guy who thinks he's the Shakespeare of speeches? I went to a wedding recently, and this guy was so smart, I thought I accidentally stumbled into a TED Talk. He starts with, "Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests, and quantum particles in attendance..." I'm just there for the free cake, buddy, not a physics lesson. But here's the kicker: this intelligent toastmaster, he's got this superpower. He can turn any normal sentence into a life-altering revelation. He goes, "Let's raise our glasses to the happy couple, whose union is like the fusion of two stars, creating a celestial explosion of love and commitment." I'm thinking, "Dude, they met on Tinder. It's not exactly a cosmic collision.
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You ever notice how these intelligent toastmasters have a vocabulary that could put a thesaurus to shame? I swear, they use words I didn't even know existed. I'm sitting there, and he says, "Today, as we celebrate the nuptials of Jane and John, let us embrace the ineffable beauty of their symbiotic connection." I had to Google "ineffable" later. Turns out, it means "too great or extreme to be expressed in words." Well, congrats, buddy, you just proved your own point. And then they love to quote philosophers. This guy goes, "In the immortal words of Socrates, 'By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.'" I'm thinking, "Socrates must have had a terrible wife if he'd rather debate existence than listen to her nagging.
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