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Joke Types
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Why was the book so impressed with itself? It had an outstanding cover story.
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Why did the impressed computer go to therapy? It had too many bytes of emotional baggage.
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Why was the math book so impressed with itself? It had too many problems solved.
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Why was the clock so impressed with itself? It had an incredible second hand.
The Unimpressed Encyclopaedia
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Ever met someone who's impressed by nothing? I told a friend I climbed Mount Everest, and they said, Yeah, my grandma did that last Tuesday. Knitted a sweater at the peak.
The Zen of Unimpressed
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Ever tell a joke to someone who’s perpetually unimpressed? You deliver your best punchline, they stare at you like a philosopher contemplating the meaning of nothingness. It's like doing stand-up for statues; at least statues don't heckle!
The Miracle of Meh
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I tried impressing my cat once. I bought this fancy toy and she looked at me like, Congratulations, you've presented me with a momentary distraction. I’ll reward you with five seconds of attention, then it's back to ignoring you.
Setting the Bar Low
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I dated someone who was impressed by everything. I'd make toast and they’d be like, Wow, you’ve mastered the art of bread-scorching! I once spilled my drink and they were like, Bravo! Abstract floor art!
The Art of Blasé
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I tried showing my art to someone who’s easily impressed. They looked at my masterpiece and said, This really captures the essence of... something. Maybe boredom? I thought I'd painted a sunrise; they thought I'd napped on a canvas.
Impressively Unimpressed
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You ever meet someone who’s so unimpressed, they could turn a fireworks display into a lullaby? I brought a friend to the Grand Canyon, and they said, That's just a big hole in the ground. Call me when they add a water slide!
The Connoisseur of Indifference
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Some people are connoisseurs of indifference. I made a gourmet meal and they asked, Is this your interpretation of abstract cuisine or did you genuinely forget the seasoning? That’s a level of critique even Michelin chefs fear.
Underwhelmed Enthusiasm
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You know that feeling when you give someone a gift, and they go, Oh... you shouldn't have, but not in the Oh, you shouldn't have, you're too kind way, more like Oh, you really shouldn't have, this is terrible. That's the impressed level we're talking about!
Skeptical by Default
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You ever encounter someone so unimpressed, they should be hired as a quality control manager? I showed my screenplay to them, and their response was, You really believe people talk like this? I barely believe people breathe like this.
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