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You ever have those moments when someone just blurts out their thoughts without any invitation? It's like I'm standing there, minding my business, and boom! I get hit with an opinion I never asked for. And then, out of nowhere, my brain's like, "I don't remember asking!" I mean, kudos to the brain for finally speaking up, but seriously, it's like having an unsolicited Yelp review shoved into your face. "Hey, did you know your haircut would look better if it were two inches shorter?" No, but did I ask?
I think it's time we had a universal signal for when someone's about to drop an uninvited opinion bomb. Like, I'll just wear a sign that says, "Opinions by appointment only." Let's schedule these things, people!
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Memory lapses are a trip, aren't they? You ever find yourself in the middle of a conversation, and suddenly, your brain decides to take a detour down Memory Lane? And then, out of nowhere, your friend starts recounting their childhood pet saga, and you're there like, "I don't remember asking!" It's like your brain's playing hide and seek with your thoughts. You're looking for a pen, and it's like, "Hey, remember that embarrassing thing you did in third grade?" No, brain, I'm trying to adult here!
I think I need a mental bouncer, someone to regulate the thoughts entering my brain. "Sorry, no entry without a valid reason for being here!" Because, honestly, I've got enough going on up there without random nostalgia popping up uninvited.
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You know those family gatherings where Aunt Mildred suddenly becomes your life coach? "Honey, have you considered a different career path?" Uh, thanks, Auntie, but I don't remember asking for career advice during Thanksgiving dinner. It's like a free-for-all advice buffet. Cousin Bob's giving relationship tips, Grandma's sharing recipes you never asked for, and Uncle Fred's suddenly the expert on politics. And you're there, spooning mashed potatoes, thinking, "I don't remember asking for this family advisory board meeting."
I'm thinking of introducing a suggestion box at these family events. You know, write down your advice, drop it in the box, and maybe I'll get to it... never.
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Why is it that whenever someone hears you mention a slight tech issue, they morph into IT support faster than you can say "reset"? You're struggling with a glitchy app, and suddenly, everyone within earshot is offering solutions. "Have you tried turning it off and on again?" Oh, gee, no, that never crossed my mind. It's like being in a tech-themed horror movie. You just want to watch Netflix, but your friends and family are lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce with unsolicited troubleshooting tips. And then you're staring at the screen, thinking, "I don't remember asking for a tech support hotline!"
Maybe we should have a tech distress signal, like a tiny flag that pops out of your phone saying, "No unsolicited advice, please!" But hey, if that flag could fix my Wi-Fi, I might reconsider!
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