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It's amazing how the phrase "Happy wife, happy life" somehow translates into "Where are we going?" every time we get into the car.
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In marriage, "good communication" means not saying "I told you so" more than three times a day.
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The key to a successful marriage is understanding compromise. I pick the restaurant, she picks the movie, and the dog picks whose side of the bed he wants to sleep on.
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My wife said she wanted a fairy tale wedding. So I made sure her mother-in-law was there!
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My wife asked me to put the dishes away. I didn't realize "away" meant the sink. Apparently, the dishwasher's got a no-entry sign.
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You know you're in a long-term relationship when "we need to talk" shifts from terrifying to "What did I forget to do now?
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My husband claims he can multitask, but when I ask him to listen while I talk, suddenly he's deaf and can't find anything.
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Marriage is a lot like a game of chess. Except the board is constantly moving, the pieces have a mind of their own, and sometimes you end up playing checkers instead.
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Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade!
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