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Being a humanitarian is like a secret society. No secret handshake, though, just a knowing nod when you let someone merge in traffic. Yeah, I'm in the humanitarian club. We wave and let people in, but don't ask us to share our fries.
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I think being a humanitarian is like trying to fold a fitted sheet – everyone talks about it, but no one's quite sure how to do it. We're all just doing our best to navigate this crazy world without making a complete mess of things.
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Being a humanitarian in a grocery store is a challenge. I always end up holding the door for someone with a cart full of groceries, and suddenly I'm the gatekeeper of the produce section. Sorry, folks, no entry without my approval.
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I tried to be more of a humanitarian the other day. Saw a spider in the shower and decided to let it live. I mean, come on, we're both just trying to survive, right? That spider owes me rent now. We're roommates.
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I admire those real humanitarians who dedicate their lives to helping others. Meanwhile, I'm over here trying not to make eye contact with the cashier while buying the family-sized bag of potato chips. That's my version of philanthropy.
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You ever try being a humanitarian at a family gathering? Good luck. Uncle Bob doesn't want your charity, he just wants to tell you how things were better in his day. Yeah, Bob, tell me again about the uphill both ways.
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I decided to be a humanitarian in my neighborhood by mowing my neighbor's lawn. Turns out, they have a gardener. Now I'm just that guy who randomly mowed someone else's lawn. Sorry, neighbor, I was just trying to be a good person!
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You ever notice how being a humanitarian sounds impressive until you realize it's just a fancy term for not being a jerk? Like, congrats on not being a total disaster to your fellow humans. Gold star!
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You ever notice that the term humanitarian is never used when you're at a buffet? It's more like survival of the hungriest. No time for humanitarian acts when there's a dessert section to conquer.
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