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I asked my girlfriend if she knew what a hermaphrodite was, and she said, "Of course, it's a flower, right?" I said, "Yeah, and you thought I was the one with the green thumb. Next time, I'm buying you biology textbooks instead of roses.
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You ever notice how the word "hermaphrodite" sounds like something your grandma might accidentally say at Thanksgiving dinner? "Pass me the hermaphrodite, dear." Suddenly, the turkey is confused about its gender identity.
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I was reading about hermaphrodites in biology class. My teacher was so excited about the topic, you'd think she just discovered the coolest secret club. I was sitting there thinking, "Is there a secret handshake for this too?
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I tried using the word "hermaphrodite" in a game of Scrabble once. Let me tell you, the other players were not impressed. They were like, "Dude, it's a family game. Save the weird biology words for your next nature documentary marathon.
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So, I was at the doctor's office the other day, and he starts talking about hermaphrodites. I'm sitting there thinking, "Doc, I just came in for a flu shot, not a biology lesson. Can we keep it simple? Is it contagious or not?
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My friend tried to impress me with his knowledge of hermaphrodites. He was like, "Did you know some fish are hermaphrodites?" I said, "Well, that explains why Nemo's dad was so good at multitasking. He was pulling double parenting duty.
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Imagine having a friend who's a hermaphrodite. Every time you go shopping, they'd be like, "Do you think this dress complements my stamen and pistil?" I'd be like, "I don't know, does it come in non-botanical colors?
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I tried incorporating "hermaphrodite" into a pickup line once. I walked up to someone at the bar and said, "Are you a hermaphrodite? Because you've got all the right parts to make this conversation interesting." Needless to say, I left with my drink and a new nickname – Captain Awkward.
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I saw a documentary about hermaphrodites the other day. They were talking about animals that have both male and female reproductive organs. I thought, "Well, that's efficient. No awkward conversations about whose turn it is to do the dishes in the animal kingdom.
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