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I recently discovered that "helpful" is just a polite way of saying, "I tried my best, but good luck with that mess." Thanks for being so "helpful" IKEA instructions, you've turned assembling furniture into a three-day scavenger hunt.
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Why do they call it a "self-help" book? If I could help myself, I wouldn't need a book! It's like the author is saying, "Here's a guide on how to be you, but better." Thanks for the encouragement, Captain Obvious.
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I tried following a recipe that said, "Cook until golden brown." Well, let me tell you, my food looked more like it attended a beach vacation than achieving any golden brown status. I guess I'll just stick to ordering takeout from now on.
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You ever notice that the "easy-open" tab on food packaging is like a challenge from the universe? It's as if the universe is saying, "You think you're smart, huh? Try opening this bag of chips without sending them flying across the room.
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I ordered something online, and the tracking information said it was "out for delivery." Well, that's helpful. I mean, isn't everything out for delivery until it's actually delivered? It's not like they're using a teleportation device.
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Have you ever noticed that the more buttons a remote control has, the higher the chance you'll accidentally launch a nuclear missile while just trying to watch Netflix? I just wanted to watch a rom-com, not start World War III.
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Why is it that when someone asks if you have a minute, it's never just 60 seconds? It's like a black hole of time opens up, and suddenly you're stuck in an hour-long conversation about their cat's dietary habits.
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You know you're an adult when getting a new sponge for the kitchen is the highlight of your week. "Oh yeah, this one has extra scrubbing power. I can't wait to tackle those dried-up spaghetti stains.
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You know, they say laughter is the best medicine, but have you ever tried to explain a joke to your doctor? "Well, doc, it all started with a chicken crossing the road...
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