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Why don't oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish! Let's have faith they'll open up.
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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
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Why did the pencil break up with the eraser? It felt it was being rubbed the wrong way!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
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Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired, but it just needed a little balance faith!
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Having faith is important in relationships. My partner has so much faith in my sense of direction that they keep a compass and a map in the glove compartment. It's like they're preparing for a real-life treasure hunt every time I take the wheel.
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Have faith, they tell me. Well, I had faith in my ability to understand modern slang. My attempt to use 'lit' in a conversation was met with awkward silence. I guess my cool factor is stuck in the early 2000s, somewhere between flip phones and dial-up internet.
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Have faith, they say. I have so much faith in my cooking skills that when I'm in the kitchen, my smoke alarm is basically my biggest cheerleader. It goes off to let everyone know I'm attempting to make dinner, and they should probably order takeout just in case.
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Have faith, they tell me. Well, I had faith in my ability to grow plants. Turns out, even cacti are too high-maintenance for me. My houseplants have a better chance of survival if they just stage a rebellion and run away.
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Have faith, they said. Well, I had faith in my ability to assemble furniture from a certain Swedish store. Let's just say that the manual might as well have been written in ancient hieroglyphics. My bookshelf looks more like abstract art at this point.
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Faith is crucial, especially when dealing with technology. My phone's autocorrect has so much faith in its spelling suggestions that it's like, 'You were probably trying to write Shakespearean poetry, right?' No, Siri, I just wanted to say 'pizza.'
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Have faith, they said. I had faith that I could keep my New Year's resolutions. By February, my gym membership card was collecting dust, and my diet plan was replaced by a love affair with chocolate. Turns out, my willpower is on a permanent vacation.
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Having faith is important, especially when it comes to my attempts at DIY projects. I'm pretty sure my toolbox is just mocking me silently. Every time I pick up a hammer, it's like, 'Oh, look, the human thinks he's a carpenter now.'
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You know, they say to have faith, but my relationship with my GPS is on thin ice. I'm convinced it's playing a game of 'Let's see how lost we can get the human.' It's like Siri is training for the GPS Olympics in misdirection.
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