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Why do we call it a "remote control" when half the time, it's controlling everything except the TV? I'm sitting there, pressing buttons, and my blender starts going off like it's auditioning for a cooking show.
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Have you ever tried opening a bag of chips in a quiet room? It's like a thunderstorm in a library. I'm just trying to enjoy a snack, not reenact the percussion section of a symphony.
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You ever notice how harsh bathroom lighting is? I mean, I just wanted to wash my face, not be interrogated by the Spanish Inquisition. "Nobody expects the harsh bathroom lighting!
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I bought a razor the other day that claimed to have "advanced technology." I just want to shave, not pilot a spaceship. Is there a setting for "basic shaving for the technologically challenged"?
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The grocery store has these self-checkout lanes now. I thought it was supposed to be convenient, but it's like having a tiny cashier who's also a harsh critic. "Unexpected item in the bagging area." Oh, sorry for the inconvenience, Your Majesty.
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You ever notice how the volume on commercials is always cranked up? I'm just peacefully watching my show, and suddenly it sounds like the entire marketing team is screaming at me. "Buy this product now or suffer the consequences!
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Speaking of harsh, can we talk about restaurant lighting? I feel like I'm under a spotlight being judged by Gordon Ramsay every time I take a bite. "Is this the best you can do, or should I shut this place down?
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Why do they design blister packs to be so impenetrable? It's like they want us to feel like we're on a survival reality show every time we try to open a new toothbrush. "Tonight, on 'Survivor: Bathroom Edition,' can they conquer the blister pack and brush their teeth before time runs out?
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Why is it that alarm clocks have to be so harsh? It's like waking up to a drill sergeant every morning. "Rise and shine, soldier! Time to face the day!" Can't we have an alarm clock that gently whispers, "Good morning, dear. The world awaits your fabulous presence"?
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