bestTrending Topics
Joke Types
0
0
Gym coaches love their motivational speeches. I had a coach who, instead of saying "You can do it," would yell, "Do it or die!" I just wanted to do some squats, not audition for a survival reality show. And the constant yelling, "Push yourself harder!" I'm pushing; I'm just not sure if it's towards fitness or insanity. If the goal is to make me question my life choices, congrats, Coach, mission accomplished.
But deep down, I appreciate them. It's like having a life coach who wants you to sweat out your problems. If only they had a workout for fixing a broken heart; maybe they do, and it's called "Cardio Confessions.
0
0
You ever try to follow your gym coach's instructions, and it feels like you're in a foreign country without a translator? He tells me to do burpees, and I'm pretty sure that's just gym lingo for "torture yourself until you reconsider your life choices." And what's with the complex machines? There's one that looks like a medieval torture device. I asked the coach how to use it, and he said, "Just sit, pull, and push." I felt like I was trying to start a spaceship, not work on my quads.
I'm convinced gym coaches have their own language. When they say "plank," I hear "look like a straight board," but my body interprets it as "collapse into a heap of regret.
0
0
Gym coaches have this logic that's on another level. I told my coach I wanted to lose weight, and he said, "You need to eat clean." I'm thinking, "I already wipe my mouth after pizza; what's cleaner than that?" Then he said, "No pain, no gain." So, according to gym logic, if my muscles aren't screaming in agony, I'm doing it wrong. I guess my body didn't get the memo that exercise is supposed to be enjoyable.
And why do they call it a "deadlift"? I feel like death after doing them. If that's what being alive feels like, I'll stick to the couch, thank you very much.
0
0
You ever notice how gym coaches talk to you like they're drill sergeants? I walked into the gym the other day, and my coach looked at me like I owed him money. He goes, "You're here to lift, not to chat. Drop and give me 20... seconds on the treadmill." I thought I signed up for a fitness class, not boot camp. I mean, I just wanted to work on my dad bod; I didn't sign up for Marine Corps Lite. And why do they always say, "No pain, no gain"? I'm pretty sure they don't mean emotional pain, but that's what I'm experiencing every time I look at a dumbbell.
Seems like my gym coach is more interested in sculpting my soul than my abs. I asked him for fitness advice, and he said, "The secret is commitment." Dude, I commit to hitting snooze on my alarm every morning; does that count?
Post a Comment