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My gym coach said, "You're not here to make friends; you're here to make gains." Well, joke's on him, because I just made friends with the vending machine guy. We're practically BFFs now.
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I told my gym coach I wanted to lose weight. He suggested I start lifting. I thought, "Lifting? I'm just trying not to collapse under the weight of adulting, but sure, let's add more pounds to the mix.
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You know, my gym coach is so motivational; he once told me that pain is just weakness leaving the body. I guess my body has been on a self-discovery journey for years now, because that weakness seems to be taking a scenic route.
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Why do gym coaches always look so calm and collected, even when pushing you to your limits? It's like they have a secret stash of zen hidden in their gym bags. Meanwhile, I'm sweating so much I could fill a water bottle by the end of the session.
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I asked my gym coach for a personalized workout plan. He handed me a piece of paper that said, "Step 1: Sweat. Step 2: Repeat." Thanks, coach, for that groundbreaking fitness advice. I was expecting at least a secret handshake or something.
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Gym coaches are like the motivational speakers of the fitness world. They'll shout things like, "You're a machine!" Yeah, a vending machine – I've got snacks inside me, and I only work when someone inserts coins.
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You know you've been working out with a strict gym coach when even your alarm clock starts yelling at you in the morning: "Get up! No snooze button, just burpees!
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Gym coaches have this magical ability to make the most mundane exercises sound exciting. "Get ready for the jumping jack extravaganza!" It's just jumping and flailing my arms – save the fireworks for the circus, Coach.
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Ever notice how gym coaches always have these superhuman levels of enthusiasm? I mean, I walk in there like a tired sloth, and they're like, "Come on, you got this!" I'm thinking, "I've got a coupon for a nap, does that count?
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