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You ever meet a Gujarati person? I love Gujaratis, but let me tell you, when it comes to bargaining, they're on a whole different level. I went to buy a watch from a Gujarati friend, and it turned into a negotiation seminar. I'm looking at the watch, trying to act all cool, and he starts with, "What price are you thinking?" I'm like, "I don't know, man, what's the original price?" He gives me this look like he's about to reveal the secrets of the universe.
He says, "Original price is X, but for you, my friend, special discount, only X minus a lot." I'm thinking, "Okay, let's play this game." So, I throw a number, and he counters. We go back and forth like we're in a bidding war, and I'm half-expecting an auctioneer to pop out of nowhere.
Eventually, we settle on a price, and I'm feeling like a victorious warrior. But here's the kicker – as I'm leaving, he leans in and says, "Next time, bring your family. Family discount, you know?" I'm like, "What, do I need to bring my entire genealogy to get a decent watch price?
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Gujaratis are known for their love of food. I have this Gujarati friend, and whenever we go out to eat, it turns into a culinary adventure. We'll be at a restaurant, and he starts analyzing the menu like he's decoding the Da Vinci Code. He looks at the prices, studies the portions, and then begins a detailed cost-benefit analysis. I'm just hungry, man. I want to order something and eat. But no, he's there, calculating the price per bite.
And then comes the negotiation with the waiter. It's like a mini UN summit right at our table. He's negotiating for free bread, extra chutney, and a discount on the dessert. I'm sitting there thinking, "Can we just order and eat like normal people?"
But in the end, I've got to admit, the guy gets results. We end up with a feast fit for a king, and I'm left wondering if I just witnessed the birth of a food diplomacy genius.
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Gujaratis have this unique relationship with time. If you're invited to a Gujarati event and they say it starts at 7 PM, you better show up at 9 PM if you want to be on time. It's like they operate on Gujarati Standard Time, which is a few hours behind the rest of the world. I went to a Gujarati wedding once, and they sent me an invitation that said, "Ceremony starts at 6 PM sharp." I thought, "Okay, I'll be fashionably early." I show up at 6, and they're still setting up the stage, the bride's not even there, and the priest is sipping chai.
I asked someone, "I thought it starts at 6?" They just smiled and said, "Yes, 6 PM Gujarati time." I didn't know time had regional variations.
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Gujaratis and technology, now that's a comedy waiting to happen. I was helping my Gujarati aunt set up her new smartphone, and it was like introducing an alien species to Earth. She looks at the phone and asks, "Where's the dial pad?" I'm like, "Auntie, it's a touchscreen, you don't need a dial pad." She gives me this skeptical look, like I just told her the moon is made of cheese.
Then comes the selfie lesson. She holds the phone at arm's length, squints at the screen, and says, "But where do I look?" I'm trying not to burst out laughing, explaining that she needs to look at the camera. She replies, "Which one's the camera?"
In the end, we got there, but I left thinking, "Smartphones and Gujaratis – it's a love story with a learning curve.
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