4 Jokes For Gavin

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Dec 14 2024

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Gavin's idea of a movie night is a real rollercoaster. We spend an hour debating what to watch, scrolling through every streaming service known to man. Romantic comedy? Nah. Action thriller? Too intense. Documentary? Only if it's about the history of socks.
Finally, we settle on a movie, and halfway through, Gavin falls asleep! I'm sitting there, invested in the plot, and he's snoring like a bear in hibernation. I ask him the next day, "Gavin, did you even see the movie?" And he says, "Yeah, it was great." Right, because dreaming about flying elephants is the same as watching Dumbo, Gavin.
You ever notice how Gavin acts at the grocery store? It's like he's training for the Olympics of indecisiveness. I saw him in the cereal aisle the other day, staring at the boxes like they held the secrets of the universe. It took him 20 minutes to choose between Cheerios and Froot Loops. I was tempted to start a countdown, like, "Gavin, the fate of the breakfast world depends on your decision!"
And don't get me started on the checkout line. Gavin turns into a mathematician trying to split the bill with the cashier. "Wait, let me see, two cans of beans, a loaf of bread, and a pack of gum. Can we round down to the nearest dollar?" Dude, it's not a calculus problem; it's a grocery receipt.
Gavin and his texting etiquette are something else. This guy takes ages to respond to a simple "Hey, how's it going?" I'm over here thinking he's ghosting me, but then two days later, he replies with, "Not much, just chillin'." Really, Gavin? Were you composing a novel over there?
And don't even get me started on his use of emojis. It's like he discovered this new form of hieroglyphics and decided to communicate exclusively through smiley faces. I sent him a serious message about making plans, and he replied with three laughing emojis. Is that a yes or are you just amused by my social calendar?
Gavin thinks he's the Bob Ross of DIY projects. He watched one tutorial on YouTube, and suddenly he's convinced he can build a coffee table from scratch. I visited his place the other day, and he proudly showed me his creation. It looked like a relic from a forgotten civilization.
He's got tools scattered everywhere, like he's conducting an orchestra of chaos. I asked him, "Gavin, why does your coffee table have three legs?" And he goes, "Oh, it's a design choice." Yeah, sure, Gavin, asymmetry is the new trend in furniture. I've decided to stick to IKEA, where at least they give you a manual that doesn't read like ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics.

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