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Ever notice how the weather forecast is as accurate as a game of darts thrown blindfolded? "Tomorrow's forecast: sunny with a chance of unexpected hailstorms and flying pigs.
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There's this unwritten law that states the more comfortable you get in bed, the more urgent your need to pee becomes. It's like your bladder suddenly wakes up and goes, "Oh, we're cozy now? Time to ruin this!
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Have you ever been in a meeting where everyone's nodding along, pretending to understand, but you're pretty sure they're just as lost as you are? It's like a synchronized nodding competition with zero comprehension.
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You know, these days, it's easier to break up with someone than it is to unsubscribe from an email newsletter. I've sent "unsubscribe" more times than I've said "I love you" this month.
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Isn't it funny how your phone battery can last for days when you're doing nothing, but the moment you desperately need it, it's like, "Goodbye, I'm out. Enjoy your solitude!
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It's hilarious how our brain has a knack for remembering lyrics to a song we haven't heard in years, but when it comes to remembering why we walked into a room, it's a complete blackout. It's the brain's own version of selective amnesia.
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So, you ever notice how whenever you're trying to assemble something from Ikea, the instruction manual suddenly becomes this intricate puzzle in itself? It's like, "Step 1: Insert Rod A into Slot B," but they forgot to mention the 27 other parts in between!
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You know what's surreal? When you're stalking someone on social media, accidentally like a photo from three years ago, and your only option is to deactivate your entire existence.
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Have you ever had the joy of standing in line at the grocery store, and the person in front of you decides they need a price check on every single item? It's like a live reenactment of "The Tortoise and the Hare," but without the fun.
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