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How does an attorney sleep? First, they lie on one side. Then, they lie on the other side!
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach? Cats keep trying to bury them in the sand!
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Why did the lawyer bring a ladder to court? Because they wanted to take their case to a higher court!
Favorite Lawyer
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You know, they say everyone has a favorite lawyer. It's like having a favorite disease - you hope you never need one, but when you do, you want the best! I told my lawyer I wanted someone ruthless, cunning, and relentless. He said, Have you tried hiring my ex-wife?
Favorite Lawyer
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I recently found out my lawyer's favorite song is I Fought the Law. I thought, Great, just what you want to hear from the guy defending you in court - that he's a rebel who's been fighting the law! I just hope he fights for me as passionately as he fights against parking tickets.
Favorite Lawyer
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I asked my lawyer if he was any good. He said, Good? I'm so good, even my briefs are convincing! I didn't know if he meant legal briefs or his choice in underwear, but hey, as long as he argues my case better than he chooses his boxers, I'm golden!
Favorite Lawyer
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My lawyer told me he's so good at what he does because he practices law in his sleep. I asked him if he ever sleepwalks into court. He said, No, but sometimes I dream in legal jargon. Last night, I had a nightmare about a habeas corpus monster chasing me - scared the verdict out of me!
Favorite Lawyer
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My lawyer is so good, he can turn any legal document into a masterpiece. I handed him my parking ticket, and he returned it to me as a signed, limited edition print - now I just need to find a frame for my $50 fine.
Favorite Lawyer
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I asked my lawyer if he ever takes vacations. He said, Only to the courthouse restroom. It's the only place I can flush away my client's hopes without consequences. I thought lawyers were supposed to be optimistic, but I guess not in his case.
Favorite Lawyer
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I asked my lawyer for advice on handling conflicts in life. He said, Just treat them like a courtroom drama - object, sustain, and if all else fails, throw in a dramatic closing statement. Now, every argument with my spouse ends with me yelling, Your honor, I rest my case!
Favorite Lawyer
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You know you've found your favorite lawyer when they send you a birthday card that says, Wishing you a judgment-free year! I thought it was sweet until I remembered I still owe him for that time I accidentally stole a pen from his office. Now that's a judgment that keeps on giving!
Favorite Lawyer
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I found out my lawyer's favorite movie is The Godfather. I thought, Great, my legal counsel models himself after a mafia boss. But hey, as long as he can make my legal problems an offer they can't refuse, I'm not complaining.
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