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Paranormal Investigator's Assistant
Trying to keep a straight face while dealing with over-the-top ghost hunters
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We investigated a haunted bakery once. My boss tried to communicate with a ghost through a baguette. I said, "If the ghost wanted carbs, it would've haunted a pizza joint.
Social Media Influencer Coach
Navigating the absurd world of "influencer authenticity"
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I told my client to be more "authentic" in their posts. Now they're authentically pretending to enjoy kale smoothies while secretly binge-eating pizza in their closet. #AuthenticityGoals
Professional Psychic
Balancing the expectation of predicting the future with the reality of not knowing where your keys are
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The other day, someone asked me to predict the lottery numbers. I told them, "I see a lot of numbers, but none of them have dollar signs in front of them. Maybe try getting a job as a statistician instead.
Office Printer Repair Technician
Dealing with clueless office workers and their "printer emergencies"
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The other day, someone asked me if I could perform CPR on their printer. I said, "Sure, but if it starts printing out your overdue expense reports, that's on you.
Professional Mime
The struggle of being a mime in a world full of noisy distractions
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The hardest part of being a mime is not laughing when people ask, "If a mime talks in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" I'm like, "If a joke falls flat, does it make a comedian cry?
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