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You ever been to Ecuador? Yeah, neither have I. But let me tell you, I've got this friend who went there for vacation. Now, the only thing I know about Ecuador is that it's in South America and, apparently, they have really tall mountains. So my friend, being the adventurous soul he is, decides to climb one of those mountains. Now, I'm thinking, why climb a mountain? There are perfectly good hotels at the bottom with room service and soft beds. But no, he wants to commune with nature. So he's climbing, and he reaches a point where the air is so thin, you can order a coffee in Spanish and by the time they bring it to you, it's already cold.
He's huffing and puffing, and suddenly a local Ecuadorian guy passes him like he's strolling in the park. My friend asks him, "How are you not out of breath?" The Ecuadorian dude just shrugs and says, "I live here." Talk about a reality check. That's like going to a seafood restaurant and being surprised they have fish.
So, note to self: if you ever feel the need to climb a mountain, make sure you pick one in your own time zone.
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You know what else my friend discovered in Ecuador? They've got some crazy wildlife. I'm talking about spiders the size of your hand. Not to mention snakes that look like they've been bench-pressing elephants. My friend, who's not exactly a fan of anything with more than four legs, was practically doing a Riverdance every time he saw a spider. He said they call them "banana spiders." Banana spiders? Really? That's the best name they could come up with? I feel like it's a marketing ploy to make them sound less terrifying.
If I were in charge, I'd call them "Run-for-Your-Life Spiders." Just to keep it real. But hey, I guess "banana" has a friendlier ring to it. Just imagine encountering one of those while enjoying your morning banana. Talk about a wake-up call!
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Let's talk about Ecuadorian cuisine. My friend told me they eat guinea pigs there. Yeah, those cute little furry creatures that kids keep as pets. In Ecuador, they're like, "Oh, you have a guinea pig? Pass the barbecue sauce!" I'm thinking, who was the first person to look at a guinea pig and think, "That looks like dinner"? I bet it was someone who lost a bet. "Hey, if you can catch that thing, you can cook it." And that's how guinea pig became a delicacy.
My friend tried it, said it tastes like a mix between chicken and betrayal. I can't wrap my head around it. I can't even eat a burger if I see a cow on TV. How am I supposed to eat a guinea pig after seeing one doing cute tricks on YouTube?
But hey, different strokes for different folks. I'm just grateful they don't serve that at the local petting zoo.
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So my friend's back from Ecuador, and he's complaining about the weather there. Apparently, it's got this unpredictable vibe that can't make up its mind. It's like the weather is going through an identity crisis. He said you wake up in the morning, it's sunny, birds are chirping, you're thinking it's a beach day. By noon, it's pouring rain. And by evening, there's a hailstorm. It's like Ecuadorian weather is going through all the seasons in one day, trying to keep you on your toes.
I told him it's the country's way of preparing you for life's uncertainties. You know, like a crash course in adaptability. I can imagine the weatherman there must be the most stressed-out person on the planet. "Today's forecast: everything!
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