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My dog sits and watches me eat with such intensity; I'm convinced he's mentally rating my dining etiquette. "Two stars for spilling, three stars for not sharing, and zero stars for not appreciating the elegance of licking the plate clean.
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You know your dog's gotten used to a lavish lifestyle when they turn their nose up at regular kibble and demand organic, grass-fed, artisanal dog food. It's like living with a miniature Gordon Ramsay.
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You ever accidentally feed your dog human food, and they look at you like you just bestowed upon them the culinary wonders of the world? My dog now expects a five-star dining experience every time I'm in the kitchen.
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You ever notice how dogs always give you that look when you're eating? It's like they're thinking, "Hey, buddy, remember who saved your socks from the evil laundry machine? Where's my steak?
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People are so into healthy eating these days that I overheard someone say, "I'm on a strictly canine diet – lots of protein, no carbs." I'm just picturing them gnawing on a bone while wearing a bib that says, "Pawsitively Healthy.
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I tried to impress my date by cooking a fancy meal. I went all out and made a gourmet dish. She took one bite and said, "This tastes like dog food." Well, joke's on her – it was actually a recipe I found online.
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I was at a friend's house, and they served a dish that looked suspiciously like my neighbor's Pomeranian. I thought, "Wow, they really went all out for dinner!" Turns out, it was just a bizarre coincidence. Awkward.
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Ever notice how dogs stare at you when you're eating ice cream? I'm convinced they believe the ice cream van is the canine version of a superhero, and they're just waiting for their scoop of justice.
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So, I heard about this new trend – people eating dog-friendly meals. They say it's gourmet, organic, and gluten-free. I tried it. Tasted like regret with a side of chewy tennis balls.
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