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I recently read that the average person spends about six months of their life waiting for red lights to turn green. I don't know about you, but I spend at least a year of my life trying to figure out whether to push or pull a door that has a "dash" of confusion in its design. I mean, why can't all doors have a manual? Like, "This door prefers a gentle pull while whispering sweet nothings to it." But no, we're left to decipher the cryptic symbols that architects seem to embed in their creations.
And have you noticed how some doors have handles that look like they're just begging to be pushed, only to find out it's a pull situation? I swear, I've had more awkward encounters with doors than with some of my exes.
So, here's to hoping that someday all doors come with a user-friendly manual – or at least a hint that says, "Don't dash into me; I swing both ways.
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Fashion is a weird thing. People say your clothes should make a statement. Well, I must be making a statement like, "I don't know how to do laundry." But hey, at least I'm dashing through my questionable fashion choices. Have you ever tried dashing in high heels? It's like trying to sprint on stilts. I give major credit to anyone who can pull that off without ending up face-first on the pavement. As for me, I'll stick to my sneakers – not as dashing, but definitely more practical.
And let's talk about capes. Superheroes make them look effortless, right? I tried wearing one, thinking I'd look dashing and mysterious. Instead, I looked like a misplaced magician at a kid's birthday party. Note to self: capes are best left to the pros.
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You ever notice how people use the word "dashing" to describe someone? Like, "Oh, he's so dashing!" I mean, who came up with that? Are we in a Jane Austen novel? I want someone to describe me as "dashing" just once. But, let's be real, the only thing I'm dashing to is the fridge during midnight snack missions. And why is it always "dashing through the snow" in those Christmas songs? Have you ever tried dashing through the snow? It's freezing! I'm more like "limping through the slush hoping I don't slip and embarrass myself." They make it sound so glamorous, but in reality, it's more like a scene from a slapstick comedy.
So, here's my suggestion: let's update the language a bit. Instead of saying someone is dashing, let's say they're "Ubering gracefully through life." Much more relatable, right?
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I was once told that I should add a little "dash" of excitement to my life. And I thought, okay, sounds easy enough. So, I tried dashing everywhere, like a superhero in a hurry. But here's the problem – life isn't a movie montage. I dashed into a glass door, spilled my coffee, and all I got was weird looks from strangers. And don't get me started on trying to dash romantically. You know, like they do in those old black-and-white movies. I tried it once on a date, and I think I pulled a muscle. The only thing dashing that night was my hopes of looking cool.
So, note to self: embrace the slow stroll through life. It might not be as exciting, but at least you won't need an ice pack.
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