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Daphne's idea of a workout is lifting the remote control to find something to watch on Netflix. I asked her if she wanted to go for a jog, and she looked at me like I suggested we climb Mount Everest in flip-flops.
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Daphne's pet peeve? Slow walkers. You know, those people who stroll down the sidewalk like they're taking a leisurely Sunday drive. She's got a strategy, though – she weaves through them like a ninja on a mission to grab the last slice of pizza.
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Daphne, the unsung hero of disappearing acts. She's the Houdini of our friend group. You text her, and poof! She's gone. It's like she has a secret teleportation device that activates as soon as she reads your message. Maybe she's just living in 3018 while we're stuck in 2024.
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I love how Daphne always brings an umbrella, even on the sunniest days. It's like she's prepared for all weather conditions, including the possibility of a surprise rainstorm summoned by a mischievous weather wizard. "You never know," she says.
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I was at Daphne's place the other day, and I noticed something strange. She has a drawer full of plastic bags. I mean, who needs that many plastic bags? Is she preparing for a plastic apocalypse? "Don't worry, guys, I've got enough bags to survive for the next century!
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Daphne's social media game is on point. She posts the perfect selfies, but the moment you try to take a candid photo of her, she transforms into a human ninja, dodging the camera like it's throwing fireballs. How does she do that?
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Daphne's voicemail is like a treasure hunt. You leave a message, and then it's a quest to see when she'll find it. You call her, and it's like, "Hello, you've reached Daphne. If you're lucky, I might get back to you in the next decade. Or not. Who knows?
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I borrowed Daphne's pen once, and I swear it was like I took a piece of her soul. She gave me that look, like, "You better return that pen, or our friendship is over." I didn't realize pens had such emotional value.
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You ever notice how Daphne always sounds like the name of that friend who never picks a restaurant? "Hey, Daphne, where do you want to eat?" And she goes, "Oh, I don't know, anywhere is fine." Come on, Daphne, make a decision, we're starving, and Yelp isn't helping us either!
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