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Counselors love their clichés. You know the ones – "One day at a time" or "It's all about self-love." I appreciate the sentiment, but sometimes I feel like they're reading from a fortune cookie, not giving professional advice. I told my counselor I was stressed about work, and they hit me with, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." I'm thinking, "I just want to survive the workweek, not embark on a mystical quest, Gandalf!"
And then there's the classic, "You need to find your inner child." Inner child? If my inner child had a voice, it would probably just scream, "Where are my cookies?" I don't need therapy; I need a snack!
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Let's talk about the unwritten rules of therapy. You're supposed to be open and honest, right? But what if you accidentally insult your counselor? I once told mine, "You know, you're not as crazy as I thought you'd be." Awkward silence, followed by a forced laugh. Note to self: compliments about mental stability aren't great icebreakers. And have you ever been tempted to lie in therapy just to spice things up? Like, "Yeah, Doc, I spend my weekends base jumping off cliffs and wrestling bears." Suddenly, your life sounds way more interesting than it actually is.
But here's the real kicker: the counselor is probably talking about you in their sessions. I bet mine has a whole stand-up routine about the crazy things I say. "You won't believe what my client told me today – they think a talking cat is giving them relationship advice!
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You ever been to a counselor? Oh, the joys of paying someone to listen to your problems! I went to see a counselor recently, and let me tell you, it felt like I was confessing my sins to a judgmental teddy bear. The whole time, I'm pouring my heart out, and the counselor's just nodding, probably thinking, "This person is more messed up than my Wi-Fi connection." I swear, they always ask those probing questions that make you question your life choices. "Tell me about your childhood." Childhood? I can barely remember what I had for breakfast this morning! And then they hit you with that classic line, "How does that make you feel?" I'm thinking, "Well, now it makes me feel like I'm wasting my money on this session!"
But here's the kicker. The counselor starts giving advice like they have it all figured out. "You should try mindfulness." Mindfulness? I can't even mind my own business! Now I'm just sitting there wondering if my counselor moonlights as a stand-up comic because this has to be some kind of joke.
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So, I found out my counselor is into music therapy. Yeah, apparently, listening to certain tunes can heal your soul. They recommended I try it at home. So, there I am, lying on my couch, headphones on, ready for a therapeutic experience. But let me tell you, picking the right music for therapy is like trying to choose a flavor of ice cream when you're lactose intolerant – you're bound to regret it. I put on this so-called "relaxing" playlist, and suddenly I'm listening to whale sounds mixed with someone playing the pan flute. I felt like I was stuck in a tropical elevator with Aquaman.
And don't get me started on guided meditation! The voice on those recordings is always so soothing. "Imagine you're floating on a cloud." Yeah, right! I'm just lying there, thinking, "If I had a cloud, I'd probably use it to avoid traffic, not meditate on it.
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