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We've got this weird scale for contribution, right? Like, saving the planet is a contribution, but eating a whole pizza by yourself is not. I beg to differ. That pizza-eating skill takes years to perfect. There should be a Pizza Olympics, and I'd be a gold medalist! But seriously, let's redefine contribution. If I make someone smile, that's a contribution. If I manage not to burn the toast, that's a contribution to the culinary world. It's time to acknowledge the small victories in life. I may not be saving the rainforest, but I just successfully parallel parked. Can we get some applause for that?
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Let's talk about contribution guilt. You ever feel guilty when you see those donation commercials on TV? The sad music, the heart-wrenching images of animals or kids in need. They guilt you into donating. And you sit there thinking, "I just wanted to watch a sitcom, not have an emotional crisis." I tried contributing once, donated to a cause. They sent me a thank-you letter, and I felt good for about five minutes. Then the guilt set in. "Should I have donated more? What if I gave up my daily coffee? Could I have saved the world with caffeine money?" Contribution guilt is a real thing, people!
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So, I'm thinking about this whole contribution thing, right? It's like a societal peer pressure. But what if I want to be a rebel? What if my contribution is not conforming? Imagine that! I tried telling my friend that, and they're like, "Dude, you need to conform to contribute." I'm like, "That's a conspiracy! I'm a non-conforming contributor!" I refuse to conform to societal norms. If my contribution is watching Netflix all weekend, then so be it. I'm supporting the entertainment industry, okay?
And what's with these contribution competitions? People trying to one-up each other. "Oh, you planted a tree? Well, I adopted a highway." It's like a weird version of one-upmanship where the prize is a self-satisfaction trophy.
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You ever notice how people always talk about wanting to "contribute" to society? Like, it's this big thing, this grand idea. But let me tell you, my contribution is mostly limited to deciding whether to use the regular trash bin or the recycling one. And that's on a good day! I mean, there's pressure to contribute, right? The other day, I'm at a party, and someone asks, "What do you do to contribute?" I panicked. I blurted out, "I make really good memes." The awkward silence that followed could have powered a small city. I mean, laughter is a form of energy, right? My contribution to the power grid.
But seriously, folks, sometimes I feel like contributing to society is like trying to fold a fitted sheet. You know you should be able to do it, you've seen others do it, but it always ends up a crumpled mess. And you just toss it in the closet and hope no one notices.
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