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HR Specialist
Navigating workplace romances and drama
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Dealing with workplace conflicts is like being a referee in a romantic wrestling match. I had two employees arguing over who stole whose stapler. I said, "Listen, if your love life is dependent on a stapler, we've got bigger problems.
IT Support
Dealing with technologically challenged coworkers
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I asked a colleague to reboot his computer, and he physically turned it around and said, "Like this?" I mean, I appreciate the effort, but I'm not exorcising your computer. It's not possessed; it just needs a restart.
Office Janitor
Cleaning up after messy coworkers
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I overheard two colleagues arguing about whose coffee mug was in the sink the longest. I thought, "Folks, if your mug becomes a subject of debate, it's time to let it retire. Maybe start a new life as a pencil holder.
Stand-up Comedian
Navigating the thin line between funny and offensive
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Some people take my jokes so seriously that they dissect them like they're solving a murder mystery. I had a guy ask, "What did you mean by that chicken-crossing-the-road joke?" I said, "I meant the chicken wanted to get to the other side. It's not a metaphor for existential despair, Dave.
Coffee Shop Barista
Satisfying demanding and indecisive customers
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There's always that one person who spends five minutes deciding between a small and a medium coffee. I'm like, "It's not a life-altering decision; it's a caffeine choice. Your destiny is not written in the size of your cup.
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