4 Jokes For Chris Pratt

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Jul 27 2024

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Can we talk about how Chris Pratt has this superpower of stealing roles from other actors? I mean, he's like the superhero version of Robin Hood, taking roles from the rich and famous and giving them to the funny and charming. If Hollywood was a game of musical chairs, Chris Pratt would be the guy who arrives late and still ends up with the best seat in the house.
I can imagine other actors at auditions, nervously looking around, thinking, "Is Chris Pratt here? No? Okay, good. Maybe I have a shot at this one." But then, out of nowhere, Pratt bursts through the door, parks his Star-Lord helmet on the casting director's desk, and says, "I'm here to audition for the lead role... and any supporting roles that look fun too.
Chris Pratt in Jurassic World is something else. He's like the only guy in a dinosaur park who's more interested in the menu than the dinosaurs. I mean, if I were being chased by a Velociraptor, the last thing on my mind would be, "I wonder if they have gluten-free options in the park cafeteria."
I bet the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park have secret meetings, and the T-Rex is like, "Guys, we need to stop chasing Pratt. He keeps bribing us with burgers and pizza. I'm on a dino diet, but he's ruining our reputation."
And let's not even talk about the scene where he trains raptors. I can barely get my dog to sit; imagine Pratt trying to get a Velociraptor to roll over for a treat. "Good boy, Blue! Now, who wants a snack? You do! Yes, you do!
You guys heard about Chris Pratt? Yeah, the guy who went from Andy Dwyer to Star-Lord. I mean, talk about a glow-up! If my career had a glow-up like that, I'd be hosting late-night shows by now.
But here's the thing, Chris Pratt has played two iconic superheroes - Star-Lord and the lovable, chubby Andy Dwyer. That's like having a Tinder profile with before-and-after pictures. "Swipe right for Star-Lord, swipe left for Andy Dwyer, but beware, both might eat your snacks."
I can't keep up with his superhero transformations. One minute he's dancing to "Come and Get Your Love" in space, and the next, he's probably dancing to "Take Me Home, Country Roads" in a Jurassic Park somewhere. I bet even Batman is sitting in the Batcave, watching Chris Pratt movies, and thinking, "Maybe I should try being a lovable goofball for a change.
Have you noticed how Chris Pratt always has some snacks hidden somewhere? I mean, he's like the snack guardian of the galaxy. I bet even when he's in the middle of a high-stakes battle with Thanos, he's got a bag of Doritos tucked away in his Star-Lord suit.
Picture this: The fate of the universe hangs in the balance, and Chris Pratt pulls out a bag of snacks and says, "Anyone want some? No? More for me, then." I'm telling you, if snacks were Infinity Stones, Chris Pratt would be the most powerful being in the universe.

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